i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
