Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Randomize
