so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
