I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I have fence marks all over my body
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
