My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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