I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
my nose is crying tears of wow.
We are all done wearing pants today
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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