You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
