Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
