I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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