If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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