We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
