it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
