the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
