I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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