i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
