Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
