bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
