i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
