I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
