I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
