I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize