There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize