Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
