the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
