bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
