You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
