So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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