Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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