hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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