I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
