Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
