Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
