Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
