rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
