you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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