i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
