similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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