So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
He kissed a someone with a penis
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Randomize
