Say something about gay babies.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
