some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
