Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
