so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
