I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
