He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
