How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Quick, to the slutcave!
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize