I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
