You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
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