what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
