Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
