oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
