Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
