Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
