just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everyone says I win the strip club
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
