And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize