the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
