You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
