We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
