Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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