you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
