Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Randomize
