I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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