I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
