Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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