my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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